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Laugh a bit.....

In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name,
Mr. Jeppier, Chairman of Sathyabama university and other self financing colleges, always speaks in English. The college students have collected & published a book by the name "Jappier's Spoken English"

.. Njoy .............with his........... .....English. ......... .......

Now , here are some classic English sentences from the great "Jappier ' s Spoken English"

# At the ground:
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes here....{Means: girl with specs please come here).


# To a boy , angrily:
I talk , he talk , why you middle middle talk?


# While punishing students:
You , rotate the ground four times...
You , go and under-stand the tree...
Three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO ......(?)


# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt this )
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only salwar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt , V shirt.. but if you want to wear .... remove it when inside the campus and put it out side the campus.


# Sir at his best:
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance , he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre , though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at  school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"


# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
 "Both of u three get out of the class."
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal. especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....


Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...
Once Sir had come late to a college function , by the time he reached , the function had begun , so he went to the dais , and said , sorry I am late , because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).


At Sathyabama college day 2002:
"This college strict u the worry no ....
U get good marks , I the happy , tomorrow u get good job , jpr the happy , tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"


At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "

VERY IMPORTANT: Enjoy this English, but don ' t forget your English!

Sent by :

Heshan Dharmasena
BSc.IT [Computer Systems & Networking]

Never Lie to a Woman

Never Lie to a Woman
A man called home to his wife and said,
I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends

We'll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting,
so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box,
we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"
" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is,
did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.

But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."

Never Lie To A Woman...!!!

Send this to all the smart Women
And Men who can handle the truth.


Pictures in Motion

 Unlimited Coke

  Moving Train 

 Can you smell the Hot & Tasty sandwiches??

 The busy mouse never stops!!

  Feel the fresh air!

 Slide to Unlock the iPhone

  Beautiful Cat moving ears

Inside the Train

Stupid Questions with Smart Answers

BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: Oh yeah?How soon??

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

WOMAN: You remind me of the sea.
MAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
WOMAN: NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend: "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil: "A teacher".

Waiter: "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer: "What other colors do you have?"

Asked how old his dad is, a boy replied: My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!"
Sam: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Sam: "She's a woman".

Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?"
Student: "Brotherly love".

Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam: "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Heshan Dharmasena
BSc.IT [Computer Systems & Networking]

ඉස්සර කාලෙ වෙලද දැන්වීම්








Colombo Unversity Kurutu geeee...


Sent by: Gimeshika De Silva